Reject Blog

The rejection letter has changed back to what it was before it was written by dating guru David DeAngelo. This message is more gender-neutral and funny.

I’m in Berlin right now, and the box is getting way more spam than anything else, which is my current excuse for not posting rejections. When I get back to Seattle, I’ll come up with a new one.

The rejection letter has changed! It’s now written by David DeAngelo of DoubleYourDating.com. David is a dating guru that travels around giving talks and seminars to poor schmucks who need dating advice, and now he’s doing so on Paper Napkin. His mailing list has all kinds of practical (and funny) advice on meeting and dating women, so if you need that sort of help, you might check it out. *

Since his advice is just for guys, the rejection isn’t gender-neutral, but the vast majority of the “real” mails are from guys anyway.

I know I’ve been slacking on posting rejections, but my personal and professional lives are super-hectic at the moment, and I just don’t have time to go through the thousands of emails. I’ll try to dig up some good stuff for you soon, don’t worry.

* Yes, I’m a sellout, and no, I don’t have a problem with that.

There is a Norwegian version of Paper Napkin now, called Strandpost. I’m sure they will update more often than I do.

Yes, I know I’ve been a terrible person by not updating this often enough, but I assure you I have a number of very justifiable and boring excuses for this. Until I’m able to get through the inbox, here are some insults for me.

In response to the rejection:

hey guess wat your gay and to technical.

The typo-per-sentence ratio there is astounding.

And from Gavin McInnes, editor of Vice Magazine, after I suggested he include some letters in their “Dos and Don’ts” section:

What kind of guy starts a sight to fuck with dudes that were just trying to get laid? What are you a fag? That is against guy codes.

And here I was thinking we were all above the use of “gay” as a derrogatory term. As for breaking “guy codes,” I suppose I’ll feel bad about it when a guy friend of mine gets PN-rejected, but until then I’ve got no sympathy.

More gay boys.

Hey its me ya the boi in accounting i got your e mail from [girl] she said you told her to give it to me cuz you seen me looking at ya… lol im sorry your just so fucking hott…..:) do you like me? let me know k byes

Except this time, professional gay boys that can’t spell or use punctuation, and approach relationships like us breeders did in fourth grade.

[girl],
so glad you gave me your email. sorry you forgot to pay your phone bill. hey if you need help with that i can pay it for ya so you can call me! my phone is [number] you should call me see ya later

your friend <one day more>
[guy]

Dude just met this girl and he’s already offering to pay her phone bill. If she sees this she might regret blowing him off so harshly. I bet he would’ve had some Manolos for her on the third date if she put out.

Since I’m talking to radio people in the morning, I thought I’d get some stats* together. Since launch, PN has gotten:

• 320,000 pageviews (about 11,000 per day)
• 30,000 emails (about 1,070 per day)
• 250 emails that seem like real rejections (the rest are just people testing, plus some spam and misc crap)
• 30 of those posted and ridiculed
• 1,000 links from other websites, including 200 that showed up in Google News
• 10GB in traffic (which is a lot, since there are no graphics on the site)

* Due to a number of things, not the least of which is laziness on my part, these numbers are only accurateish.

If this wasn’t just from a random Gmail account, I’d think this woman was speaking in code too.

Hey, it was really nice to get to meet you last night at [girl]’s party. I thought your story about that dog was hilarious! Would you like to get together some time so I can show you some pictures of my labrador?

But no, I really think she has every intention of showing this guy her dog. The kitty will probably come later.

This guy is mailing from his desk at a major Fortune 500 company.

When can I see you again? I have tried telephoning, but it appears that you phone is out of order. I really would like to discuss some additional matters with you…

I guess that’s why he says “additional matters” when he actually means “butt sex.”

I have no idea how this girl got a PN address. Maybe because she doesn’t understand the concept of a period. I just thought this was funny.

ew….why do all the weird boys like me? the ones that follow you around and have nothing better to do with their lives then be obsessive with me….even if they barely know me…..this guy from [catholic school] was like…obsessive and he didn’t even know me! i don’t know HOW he thought he wanted to go out with me……but he kept calling a friend about me CONSTANTLY….and this kind of stuff has happened like FIVE times! and there’s this guy who i think he thinks he’s going out with me and EVERYONE thinks i like him and thinks we’re going out…..but it’s very complicated…but we’re NOT going out…..but he’s always “coincidently” where i am…..hhmmm…..i have to get my normal life back! i haven’t had it since BEGINNING of 8th grade……..aaahhhhhh!!!!!!

This girl is obviously very very hot. And I think that “very complicated” means that she puts out.

And boys, this is just further proof that obsessing over a girl never helps. They only want the ones that don’t go after them. Don’t ask me why; I didn’t make the rules.

* Note that I made fun of her punctuation at the beginning, and then used a semicolon at the end. I am clever.

I will be taping interviews on Thursday with Jenny “from the block” Usher for KISS Ottawa, and another for FNX Boston/NH. It remains to be seen when they will actually air, and how entertaining I can manage to be at 5:30am.

PN was also on the front page of Netscape.com back on the 1st, but I forgot to mention it. Screenshot here. I would like to personally welcome all the new visitors from AOL, as well as unwelcome all the actual representatives of AOL that were promoting their broadband service all over Seattle this weekend. I don’t need another damned CD already.

It was nice meeting you last night. You tell some real hum-dinger jokes! ha ha. I wanted to see if you wanted to get together some night this weekend. I have bowling league tonight, but Saturday night I’m open and ready for action … if ya know what I mean! Toodles.

[guy]

Bowling league, eh? How could a woman resist a sportsman such as that? And how do you follow something aggressive like “ready for action” with something totally wussy, like “toodles?” Dude needs to work on refining his image.

Hi cutie.

Thanks for giving me your number @ the bar. I’m looking forward to meeting again. Grrrrrr!

-[guy]

Careful there, tiger. Wouldn’t want to scare her off. Oops, too late.

The best emails to PN are the ones with pictures attached. There was Mr Swarthy, but since there’s been a webcam pic of a woman blowing a kiss to the recipient, a message with multiple pictures that show a guy’s hair plugs perfectly, a random topless dude, and a pair of Australian girls playing with their pet monkey.

I would love to post these, but no, that would be too mean.

I’m finally getting caught up with all the mails in the box, but most of them are test messages, and those that are real are pretty lame for the most part. So I’m counting on all of you to go out over Labor Day weekend, look really sexy, and reject some people. The entertainment of millions thousands a few office workers nationwide depends on you!

I think I’m doing some radio interviews next week, I’ll let you know. Unfortunately they’re all for east-coast stations that are going to make me get up early.